Published September 12, 2014 by katysoqewl

Dear diary- 11 Sep. 14

I made it through another day with all the compassion which i hate and all the weird stares i get now that people know. Abdurahmaan was kind of aloof today, but then again who wants to hang around a sick around. I know we just friends, but i expect at least a, “ how you doing?”. I just hope i can get better and be treated normally by everyone. We went to the doctors office today and he said that the cancer has moved a stage up. My dad being my dad wants to fulfil my every wish, so he booked for December holidays Spain. I am grateful for the life i have, but sometimes i feel like i questions alllahs will. Oh and i almost forgot, Asma came over today and apologized for her teasing in school the other day. I just don’t think i have the strength left to fight this anymore and my faith has shaken.

A sickly child

Yesterdays diary entry appeared before my eyes. I guess that what registration period is there for, to think about random things. Call me deep, but at least i make good use of my time. I was lost in my thoughts, where the shore is my body and with each crashing wave ,a heap of raw salt is deposited, embedding itself into my open wounds. Just as another nightmare prediction crossed my mind, abdurahmaan clicked his fingers together, waking me from my rather depressing trance.

“ how you feeling zahreen”

“ on and off, but coping i guess”

“ doesn’t seem like it”

I guess when you know someone for this long, you know their emotional statuses  practically all the time.

“ want to talk about it”

I could really use an ear so i spoke and being me i had a mental breakdown, something he had grown accustomed to by now. I had what people call a “guy best friend”. He was so big brotherish and had words that could comfort me almost all the time. We never had weird moments or anything, it was true friendship, no ulterior motives or anything…

I might be a bit more islamically inclined than him, since i did hifdh, but his morals are wayyy better than mine will ever be.







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