As I made my ablution the following day for the Fajr prayer, I noticed her toothbrush lying next to the basin and my heart sobbed.. Breakfast felt cold despite the hot chai tea, toast and strawberry jam.. All that could be heard was the clutter of forks and spoons hitting ceramic dishes… No one uttered a word the entire meal except for the occasional, “can you please pass me the…..”
The morning slipped away and zuhr time came and went..
People came, gave condolences and left, not one of them staying over 25 minutes..
They had their usual lives to go back to, and this was just a by the way thing for them..
It was then, that a realization hit me.. People are better actors than you would ever imagine.. I decided to write in my journal about this, but 9 likes into it, I tore out the page and cried myself to sleep..
The next day had a similar timeline of events and then I realized, this was pointless, me thinking the clock is gong to stop because I lost a loved one, hoping that this was all an illusion, questioning why… I needed to come to terms with what happened and get a grip….. I guess I was my own night in shining armor..
-YOUR SISTER IN ISLAM
The clock struck twelve in our eerily quiet house… That grandfathers clock has been ticking since forever and every hour on the hour, it would make that weird old tingle sound… It brought back good and relatively ad memories as well, but all in all, it witnessed it all… Tonight was the fist night after ma had passed away and I could not sleep.. The visions of the white Kafan lying in the lounge with the lifeless being of my beloved ma… Things happened too quick… Last night this time, I was feeding her a bowl of mielie meel porridge, her favorite.. The last couple of months have been tough for our family. We were not very financially stable and with her being admitted for months at a time, didn’t exactly help our predicament…
I’m 19 and at the prime of my life.. But I have a few obstacles that are obscuring my path to the dream life.. For starters, I’m not from an average class family, so I don’t live on a bed of roses, like many of you do.. I am a senior sibling to 3 boys.. 😐
Secondly, I have a few personal issues that L.O didn’t fix even though I learned self-esteem since grade 4… Thirdly, is MY PARENTS and now I have one more thing to add to the list MY MA WAS GONE.. My backbone and inspiration was gone.. I guess when you grow up with your ma, it becomes very difficult to live without them..
As I tossed and turned my night away, I couldn’t help but let myself wonder about the what ifs in life.. I wondered if all was going to happen like in the blogs, where the depressed girl meets someone new and they change her life around.. But I’ve learned not to have expectations and that expectations is the thief of happiness..
– YOUR SISTER IN ISLAM