All posts for the month October, 2015


Published October 29, 2015 by katysoqewl

I’m so sorry that I’ve been MIA, but I’ve been really busy lately.. Enjoy the post. Lots of love. 😘

Well, since you got the fact that I’m a loner of sort, no one really knew.. Or rather I never told anyone.. It was buried in my heart.. Not another soul knew, and I liked it that way. No stupid comments or teasing, it was nice. I felt for once like a normal girl + the nerdishness + the book addiction + the series addiction… Okay pal scrap that “not normal girl.” My heart would flutter every time he spoke to me, and my cheeks would color with a mottled pink. He never knew, and I was going to keep it that way. I can’t let him know, not ever.. Well that was my plan, but I guess life has its own plan.. What was my deepest secret for the past 6 months, was now out in the open.. Well, you can assume that it all happened because I made a mistake and trusted someone who clearly didn’t know the definition of that word. Well, it was out there now, so there was nothing I could do about it. I never wanted it to get out, because then people think you want something. And truthfully, I didn’t want to date, and I know that’s weird, but I just liked him and enjoyed talking to him, that’s all, I had no desire for anything more.. But once it was out, everyone had these pre-conceived ideas.. I decided that I couldn’t do this. It was never suppose to go this way.. So, at the end of my grade 9 year, I decided, I needed to stop liking him.. It was not easy at all, I had to try and control my pulse rate and watch my cheek color every time he spoke to me.. I think I became a pro at it actually and well, everyone kind of forgot about the whole situation. My feelings did subside down, like really it did.. I wanted that feeling that almost every girl experiences, that feeling of vulnerability and that feeling of weakness. I know it sounds kind of weird on paper, but it made sense in my head.. 
So it’s been almost a year, and I have gotten over him, apart from the teenie-weenie bit of affection that still remains. My friend calls it a “blind-spot” and I hate to admit it, but I think she’s right, it is.. I don’t think clearly when matters regarding him are involved and as much as I try to rid myself of those feelings, I find myself unable to.. I guess all I need is to flip that humanity switch, and let all the emotions go..   




Published October 10, 2015 by katysoqewl

A soft summer breeze whistling past, the distant sounds of car horns and the blaring music a few houses down the street.. Believing it or not, this is what living in a city is like. Constant noise, never a blissful, silent moment apart from the period just before dawn.. Then the city is fast asleep, just having flushed out the nocturnal night crowd and bracing itself for the diurnal crowd.. This is my favorite moment, being well sought of a loner.. But tonight, instead of burying my head in a book, I decided to “chill” as the cool kids say it and relax myself in the cushion chair on the balcony.. I’m not one to be constantly checking my phone, so I left it in my room and headed out.. I could see the changing of robots, from a crimson red to a sunflower yellow.. The whole scene looked familiar and I just stared blankly at the night sky, seeing whether the stars on my pjs actually had any pattern that even resembled reality by even just a mere fraction.. That’s right, I’m the nerdish, perfectionist that you all so profoundly hate.. My name is Tasneem Mayet and no I’m not here to tell you to start reading books and do homework, I’m here to relate my story of… Well, that you can decide.. My personal opinion.. The word “love” is overrated.. But I do believe in the “click” and contentment one feels, let’s just go with “like”.. 

So, I have to warn you from now, my “love life” (lol.. No😂) is actually more of a “crush life”.. 

I sat there pondering about the day’s events.. Ahmed’s chocolate brown eyes, his perfectly aligned jaw bone and his IQ level of 115.. (I think).. God, Tasneem you need to get a grip, he will never be yours and he will never like you.. Stop thinking about him so much.. 
*Flashback to 9th grade*
I completed my social science paper.. (Thank the almighty that it isn’t a compulsory subject.. ), and started playing my usual pencil games.. The teacher called me and well i was concerned at first, but then I learned the reason 

“Tasneem, please will you write Ahmed’s paper for him” okay, so Ahmed broke his wrist in soccer I think it was, so he dictated whilst I wrote.. It was so cool, and funny at the same time.. After that incident did I actually start to think that this boy is “perfect ” .. Humor, wit, intelligence, looks.. And when I consciously acknowledged that, it was then, that i started crushing on this guy..  





Published October 6, 2015 by katysoqewl

The letter was written in Arabic, but for the sake of understanding I will sum it up in English..
“I have intentions of escape, and it is my desire for you to accompany me.. If you decline, I will understand, but if you accept, then please meet me on the 19 Zul Hijjah, just before suhoor time ends at the west end of Bhagdadi’s quarters.. 

“اعتني بنفسك

The 19th, that was tonight.. There’s no way I was going to get out.. My mind wandered of and I had all these pretty little fantasies flashing before my eyes, but I wiped those away, knowing that there was more pressing matters at hand.. I had to escape… NOW!! 
I pulled a strewn stone with my legs and after a struggle, I managed to forge a plan.. 

And just as I was about to implement it, in through the door, came my knight in shining armor.. No, I lie, my knight in a drab Kurta and sweat pouring.. Okay, point is, my hero arrived.. I gracefully followed him as we dodged and ducked to prevent anyone from noticing.. He hadn’t uttered a word apart from the greeting we exchanged.. After a lot of running, we stopped.. He took out two canisters of water and handed one to me.. I read the dua aloud, as a reminder to him as well as sat down to drink.. His features broke out into a smile, and he copied my actions.. 

We sat meters apart from each other, both of us too shy to even engage in conversation.. Sara was suddenly on my mind.. I abandoned her and failed her and now, I was running away.. This was wrong.. 

As though, he knew what I was thinking, he remarked

“Sara will meet us at the border to Turkey.. She got out as well” 

Wow!! He actually thought about this pretty well… 

After a brief encounter with soldiers that I wasn’t too certain were fixated on capturing us, but rather trying to salvage things from the rubble, we reached the border.. As I glanced about there was not a living creature in sight.. Not a bird, not a fly, it was as though we were all alone in this vast desert, but I somehow felt a sense of fullness.. My heart wasn’t empty, rather it was bursting with love.. Well, I think that is what it is, because I’ve never felt like this.. 

I turned and simultaneously he did too.. Our eyes locked, AGAIN.. He held it for quite sometime, and then broke away.. It was fajr time, and he headed over and made wudhu at a nearby broken tap.. He stood up and performed Salaah in an audible manner and it was as though pieces of his soul flowed out of his tongue and filled all the open crevices in my heart… MY NAME IS HANNAH MOHAMMEDIA AND I’M PRETTY SURE THAT I’VE FOUND MY ZAWJAH.. 


Published October 2, 2015 by katysoqewl

The moment he had seen us, Sara and I made a run for it.. We were in the center of their territory but that’s all we could do.. If we were to be apprehended, there sure would be a gruesome punishment awaiting us.. We ran for as long as our weak bodies could carry us.. It was growing dark and we thought that they had lost us and that we had made our cut, but I guess things aren’t that easily escaped here in these blood-strewn lands.. I remember that I heard a faint whisper as I lay almost motionless, my body struggling to keep itself functioning due to my over-exertion, and every sense of mine heightened.. As much as the cells in my body demanded sleep, my mind kept putting hypothesis forward, ones that didn’t quite pacify me.. Sara was fast asleep.. That faint whisper soon became an audible mumble and before my brain could send the message to my legs to rise, I was being tied up.. 
I rose from a slumber that felt like years, and when I did, I was in Bhagdadi’s home, handcuffed to a chair.. I had been sleeping on the floor, so my body ached, but I was certain that that wasn’t the only reason for my pain.. Every tissue in my body was diffusing with fear, as though this may be the last time it happens.. 

In all my pain, all my agony, I recalled a single voice that had once told me “don’t be sad, Allah knows best” 

I was at ease after that single thought crossed my mind.. Then, Bhagdadi walked into the room.. I crept back into a corner and closed my eyes.. He hurled a bunch of vulgar words in Arabic and through all the gritted teeth and high pitched yells, I got the message that I was going to be “dealt with”, in blunt words “tortured or even killed”. 

Life is not valued here.. It is taken for granted.. I accepted my fate, because there wasn’t much I could do in handcuffs.. The moon was shining bright in the sky as far as I could see from the little window that had been left open, so that I freeze in here.. 
I couldn’t sleep, so I watched the stars in the sky, some shining brighter than others, and some barely visible.. 
I guess eventually I did fall of to sleep, because my mind kept replaying the days incidents and then I opened my eyes.. The letter.. 





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