I’m so sorry that I’ve been MIA, but I’ve been really busy lately.. Enjoy the post. Lots of love. 😘
Well, since you got the fact that I’m a loner of sort, no one really knew.. Or rather I never told anyone.. It was buried in my heart.. Not another soul knew, and I liked it that way. No stupid comments or teasing, it was nice. I felt for once like a normal girl + the nerdishness + the book addiction + the series addiction… Okay pal scrap that “not normal girl.” My heart would flutter every time he spoke to me, and my cheeks would color with a mottled pink. He never knew, and I was going to keep it that way. I can’t let him know, not ever.. Well that was my plan, but I guess life has its own plan.. What was my deepest secret for the past 6 months, was now out in the open.. Well, you can assume that it all happened because I made a mistake and trusted someone who clearly didn’t know the definition of that word. Well, it was out there now, so there was nothing I could do about it. I never wanted it to get out, because then people think you want something. And truthfully, I didn’t want to date, and I know that’s weird, but I just liked him and enjoyed talking to him, that’s all, I had no desire for anything more.. But once it was out, everyone had these pre-conceived ideas.. I decided that I couldn’t do this. It was never suppose to go this way.. So, at the end of my grade 9 year, I decided, I needed to stop liking him.. It was not easy at all, I had to try and control my pulse rate and watch my cheek color every time he spoke to me.. I think I became a pro at it actually and well, everyone kind of forgot about the whole situation. My feelings did subside down, like really it did.. I wanted that feeling that almost every girl experiences, that feeling of vulnerability and that feeling of weakness. I know it sounds kind of weird on paper, but it made sense in my head..
So it’s been almost a year, and I have gotten over him, apart from the teenie-weenie bit of affection that still remains. My friend calls it a “blind-spot” and I hate to admit it, but I think she’s right, it is.. I don’t think clearly when matters regarding him are involved and as much as I try to rid myself of those feelings, I find myself unable to.. I guess all I need is to flip that humanity switch, and let all the emotions go..